Assassin’s Creed: Revelations…

…was a shitty game. I traded my copy actually over at Amazon earlier this afternoon, simply because I don’t think I’ll be going back to play this… horrible sequel to a bunch of games I (surprisingly enough) enjoyed. Except the first game of course since we can all agree, more or less, that it rightfully belongs to the garbage bins. I personally don’t know anyone who has ever finished the very first Assassin’s Creed, unless I haven’t been updated.

Why the hate you may ask? Well shit guys, admit it: It’s technically just a looooong (felt that way, in my opinion) fetch quest filled with terrible missions and lame characters. Revelations makes Brotherhood — a solid sequel that surprised everyone considering that it came out a year after part 2 — feel like an Assassin’s Creed II-2.75 rather just being, you know, Assassin’s Creed II-2.

Sure, the hookblade upgrade was kinda cool mainly because, well, it was the only upgrade that’s worth mentioning in the game. Da Vinci, I miss you buddy. And what’s up with those bombs!? I rarely used them, save for some missions where you have to use them. Terrible. Oh and the supposed new location (Constantinople) is boring as fuck. I really hoped a new country — not just a city, but an actual country — would keep things fresh for this follow-up. But, alas, no. Assassin’s Creed 1 had better locales now that I think about it.

“Maybe you haven’t explored much…”

Explore? What’s there to explore in the first place!?

As for the “revelations” stuff the game is seriously promoting, it was just “OK”. Another cliffhanger and more questions. Woo-pee-doo. Luckily, I only paid $10 for this piece of shit (thank you once again, Kmart coupons) because I would’ve imagined being even more bitchy with this entry.

Look, if anybody out there still hasn’t purchased the game and would simply like to know what happens after the end of Brotherhood: YouTube is your friend. Sorry Ubisoft. I’m just happy that the original team behind AC2 is developing AC3 (rumored to be coming out next year with a new era) and I’m still getting it despite the hate I have conjured over the last few minutes.

“Bu-But… there’s multiplayer.”



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