So The 3rd Birthday…

…is a SHITTY game. Avoid at all cost unless you like your action games coupled with half-assed gameplay and a muddled storyline. The plot is so utterly pathetic and incoherent, it makes Sucker Punch feel brilliant. There are only 2 good things about this game in my opinion: the music by Yoko Shimomura (the original Parasite Eve, Kingdom Hearts) and the fact that it’s really short… because you really want it to end so fucking soon, especially after meeting this recurring PE character that Square totally messed up.

Y’know I just Twittered this moments ago and even last week; but what was Hajima Tabata, the director of the only playable Final Fantasy VII spin-off, smoking years ago prior to directing this terrible TERRIBLE game? Tsk tsk. What a waste.

I’m a fan of the original Parasite Eve and The 3rd Birthday is, somewhat, a huge middle finger to the cult franchise. A severe insult to the fans and obviously a major disappointment all throughout. It’s on par with Dirge of Cerberus. Word. I really wanted to lov– no no lemme rephrase that… I really wanted to like it at least similar to Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams or hell even Crisis Core. Spin-offs with distinct flaws yet still very somehow respectful to their franchises. But… no. Fuck this game.

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